With Love
by paddle-without-boat
Summary: McDohl reflects on the most important person in his life and decides to act upon his feelings. McDohlGremio shounenai.


McDohl sat on the dock of Banner Village, his wooden fishing pole tilted over the water. His forehead was warm under the green scarf that he still kept tied about his head. He had been sitting idly for two hours, not really expecting any fish to bite. It had been five years since the end of his first war…but his second war had begun immediately afterward. It was a war he fought within himself, burdened by a murderous rune and never-aging body. McDohl never smiled anymore, no matter what the occasion. Only once or twice had Gremio even been able to extract the ghostly soul of a smile from the morose boy. 

_I wish…I wish I was able to smile more often_, the boy thought. The image of his friend's green eyes shimmering filled his head. Those rare almost-smiles made Gremio radiate with happiness. Seeing the pleasure such simple gestures brought the man made McDohl painfully aware of the pain his solitude cost those around him. 

__

But how can I NOT be miserable?! I'll never get to grow up…I'm twenty-one and I look sixteen. People will just treat me like a child forever…my friends will die…I'll be alone and I'll never have someone to love me…! That's all I'll ever be - a child.

McDohl rolled the words through his mind. _Young Master_, he thought mockingly. Immediately, a wave of guilt coursed through him. 

_How can I do that? The only person who really ever called me that is Gremio… Am I mocking him? _

The boy sighed, lowering his head further. No, he couldn't think cruelly of the moniker. After all, Gremio understood his situation more than anyone could. His thoughts drifted back to an incident that had taken place only a year earlier…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

McDohl sat at the table, the stress of life weighing him down. He had not slept for two days, nor had he eaten. Behind his chair, Gremio paced back and forth. The boy could feel the worry emanating from his friend, but he refused to respond to it. After a while, the pacing stopped. He took a deep breath, only to feel something. Gremio had pulled a chair close and was sitting next to him. 

"Young Master, please talk about it. Tell me. I'm here for you, I understand what you have to go through."

A sharp pain in his chest made McDohl clench his fists so he wouldn't scream.

"Why should I tell **you**? **You** get to age, **you **get to live! And what do I get? I hate life so much that I scare myself - I scare myself sometimes! And you…I hate you most of all, because you have everything I'll never have!"

He knew that his words were a lie. He didn't hate Gremio, nor did the man have everything that **he** never could. But he had said them, and could only watch their impact.

Gremio's green eyes widened in shock from the verbal attack, his brows furrowing as each word seared its way into his heart. Slowly, those eyes glazed over in sadness and pain. The man lowered his head slightly, his blonde hair hiding his face from view.

"But I **do** understand, Young Master," his broken voice said. "Every moment that you are in pain, I'm in pain. I…I died for you once, and each time you push me away, refuse to eat, each time you cry…I die again. I live with your pain as much as you do, Young Master. So…please don't push me away like this. I died so you could live… Please live."

McDohl stared at his friend, struck dumb by his words. He sat unmoving for a moment as Gremio tried to discreetly compose himself. Shakily, the boy reached out his hand, resting it gently on the man's arm.

"I…I'm sorry, Gremio. I didn't mean it. I love you, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Y-Young Master…I know. And you know that I love you as well."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

McDohl sighed, shaking his head softly. Gremio was the only person he really felt safe around. And although he despised it when he felt he was being treated like a child, McDohl loved the times when he would just sit there, watching Gremio do household chores and fuss over him. It was a bittersweet feeling, reminding him of the days when he _was_ a child, when he had Ted…and his father… _It's so domestic_, he mused contentedly. The word 'domestic' made him think of Kasumi. He allowed himself a small laugh. _No, that could never happen…not just for the obvious reasons._ A thought struck him suddenly. _Maybe it's best that way, because if I did fall in love with Kasumi, I'd have to leave Gremio…and I can't do that; I'll never do that._

McDohl closed his eyes, preparing to go back home.

"Young Master! Did you catch anything?" Gremio greeted him, taking the fishing pole and ushering him inside. The boy watched in amusement as he was fussed over. Gremio stopped suddenly. 

"Oh! The chili! I forgot to put it out!" Into the kitchen he rushed, eager to get the table ready. As he watched the blonde man, McDohl's heart sighed. _How can I ever let him know just how much he means to me…Do **I** even know?_

He took the liberty of taking his seat at the table, just in time for Gremio's steaming chili to be served. The servant sat down and served the food carefully. 

"Gremio…" McDohl whispered. 

The man looked up. "Yes, Young Master?"

Blushing slightly, the boy cleared his throat. "How…how do you show someone that you _really_ love them, that they're the most important thing in your life?"

The blonde man blinked, surprised. He tilted his head and thought for a moment.

"Well…" he bit his lip, " It depends on whom you wish to express love to. I suppose generally, flowers, letters, meaningful gifts, physical affection…there are so many ways to express love for someone."

"Then how do I show _you_?" the young veteran asked sheepishly, refusing to look into his companion's eyes.

Gremio stared at him for a second, then laughed softly.

"Oh, I thought you were asking about romantic love!"

The boy lowered his head. "I was," he mumbled.

The silence was thick after that. McDohl felt his heart sink, sure that Gremio was angry with him now.

"I…this is how, Young Master."

Gremio stood from his chair and leaned over the dark-haired youth.

"I love you, too," he whispered. Leaning further, he kissed the boy softly then retook his seat.

Crimson spread over McDohl's cheeks, his heart thumping. _It is, isn't it? This **is** what I feel. Love…I love…_ "Gremio."

He stared at his friend intensely. The servant was blushing as well, his slender hands wringing each other. 

"Gremio…?"

Green eyes looked into his own. "Yes?"

McDohl felt himself genuinely smiling. "I'm finally happy…"

__

owari…?


End file.
